Complication of Multiples Dodged II

Well, we dodged another one -- Preeclampsia, a high blood pressure condition. While not limited to multiple pregnancies, it is certainly more common with twins -- and it's no joke. My wife went for a check up and they found high blood pressure. Two days later, fortunately, her blood pressure had returned to normal and further testing came back negative, staving off early inducement. Even so, given that the kiddos weigh over 13 pounds total now, they are going to be born by a week from today whether they want to be or not.

This experience has reminded me exactly how tough my wife is, as are women in general. I think that I wrote in a prior post that the last two months of pregnancy are longer than the first seven. That is true for me and I am not even doing anything. My wife has to carry two ever-growing bowling balls in her stomach, deal with horrible heartburn, lose sleep due to hip and back pain, and deal with every other stranger on the street looking at her tummy and using some variation of, "Damn!" She's good natured and doesn't complain . . . much. If it were me, I would be lying in bed 24-7 in the fetal position whimpering.

Well, they are coming out by next Monday one way or the other. Then it will be time . . . time to take over the World . . . !

The Master Plan . . .

When the babies are born, I am going to publish a birth announcement for one in The Moscow Times in Russia and a birth announcement for the other in People's Daily in China. I will raise each to speak the language of their assigned country and immerse them in the culture of one of its oppressed cultural/racial minorities.

When they reach the proper age I will ship them off to prestigious law schools in their respective countries. They will graduate, become community organizers, gradually get into politics, and eventually rise to executive positions of ultimate power. That part is a little fuzzy, but we'll figure it out.

Using my contacts in federal intelligence agencies, we will bribe the proper officials to issue fake certifications of their birth once their ascent is complete. We can then use them as stealth instruments to shift the balance of world power. It is almost too easy.

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